HAROLD

THE LANDLORD

harold owns the ledge. harold owns the block. every balcony is a unit. every rooftop is an asset.

no lease. no deposit. nothing ever gets fixed.

the city pays in bread. harold collects daily.

HOUSE RULES

• 01rent is due when harold says it is.
• 02the ledge is load-bearing. do not ask why.
• 03quiet hours: whenever harold is sleeping. harold is always sleeping.
• 04maintenance requests are read. never answered.
• 05the crumbs in the hallway are not lost. they are an investment.

TENANT COMPLAINTS

• the elevator has been broken since 1997.
  unit 2c — filed 9 years ago
  stairs are included in the rent. free of charge.
• there is a pigeon on my balcony and he won't leave.
  unit 5a — filed monday
  that is not a pigeon. that is the landlord.
• the heating doesn't work.
  unit 3f — filed in winter
  feathers were an option. you chose skin.
• who keeps leaving crumbs in the hallway?
  unit 3b — filed at 4 am
  complaint closed. asset relocated.